it's not going to be pretty

when we have babies - this is what it's going to look like - when we really really start trying. 

there will be nothing about it that is intimate (unless you count the weekly injections in my back side, given by the mr. good thing i've been running my ass off), nothing that is traditional (or maybe this is traditional; it sure feels good to know i'm not alone) and certainly nothing about it that will be comfortable or pretty. i'm scared and i hate that even though there is nothing wrong with me (the reproductive me; not the rest of me, i'm far from perfect) - i still have to go through all of this... and then what if - you can think about the what if's until it just about makes you want to throw up. 

at the end of the day - no one knows what infertility feels like - unless you've been there - i can think that my family should be a certain way - or get pissed off that our friends don't say the right thing - but at the end of the day - they don't know - and i don't know what they are thinking, i can't possibly understand the feeling of how it must feel to conceive any other way then what i know now. i'm thankful for my blog - if nothing else - if there is someone out in the internet land that's looking for the right words to say to their friend, sister, or wife that's hurting from this - i think the best words you can ever say are, "i'll always be here for you." 

if my beauties from esty arrive tomorrow - i'm headed to take pictures of my new little lady lauren - if not - i might have to stalk the postman.