flowers from the yard

another thing that i am grateful for.

getting back to basics

i believe it's our generations responsibility to get back to basics. to teach our children that things will not bring us long standing happiness. i spent many years believe things would. getting back to the basics in my life has brought me great joy. i planted my first square foot garden this year. my mom got me the kit for my birthday, my brother picked the most beautiful soil for me, my husband put it together and together we planted some plants and some seeds and watched something beautiful in front of us grow & survive. my mom had a garden while i was growing up - my dad is a crop farmer - so watching plants grow and harvest has always been part of my life. adam has never been a part of it. he's like a kid in the candy store watching everything grow. today - i made my first ever pasta sauce. from scratch. with ingredients from our garden. the only thing i added that we didn't grow was olive oil and the garlic. can't wait to have it for dinner tomorrow night! i love summer!

moving forward

i have a good friend here - she's part of the mommy group that i hang out with. yes girls - did you hear that - i have a mommy group. one of my really good friends here introduced me to a great group of girls. all of them have a unique and great story as to how and why they got their babies.... some on the first try, some with devine intervention, some after years of trying and one who went all the way across the world to get the cutest little girl you've ever seen.... the good friend here is a PA at an OB office - i told her i wanted a good regular doctor here since we've decided on the donor route - she lined me up with someone who's not taking new patients, deals with high risk, and got me in in two weeks. i met her - she has a "home grown baby" at home an adopted baby - and her partner also is gluten free- how's that for rockstar treatment... and knowing exactly what i need. i went to see her on friday - she signed the last form that needed signing that will allow for us to TTC at home.... so that's it.... now it just has to be faxed in, decide on a date... and get start... we should be excited as all get out... truth be told... i'm a little scared. or maybe a lot scared... now... it's all on me.

a few things i love

1. tosh.o - it's not ok - and 100% amazing

2. my mom and dad - it very well might be the best thing that happened to me... yes yes yes i get that without them i wouldn't be here - but with them - i'm everything!

3. my nephews - the two year old loves onions, the five year old sings justin bieber with a gangster twist and the seven year old knows more sports trivia than i do... the feeling of pride i have in those boys must be of some comparison to how people feel about their own kids - but don't express... it's also a statement of saying that my brother and his wife are made out of pure amazement -

4. my niece - yeah yeah - the one i cried about - i put her in my mobi and she falls right asleep - she's adorable and sweet and kind and she LOVES jam n jelly nail polish by essie - also my favorite color... can you blame me for falling in love?

5. my husband - he hands down brings the awesome to awesomeness - even more awesome than the day i found out that pizza hut pizza circles in the middle of the pizza also second as barbie end tables... think about it? :)

6. decisions - they are hard - but so worth it.

a little something

since making the decision that we've made - it's like we're 19 again and falling in love all over. who says being an adult isn't fun?

safe

on friday i took our pal to the pool. she's six. she's never been in a pool in her entire life. ever.

i've found that the word that i try to focus on with her when i am with her is safe. SAFE: Free from harm, injury, or risk; untouched or unthreatened by danger or injury; unharmed; unhurt; secure; whole; as, safe from disease; safe from storms; safe from foes.

this little girl has spent 98% of her life not being safe. being beaten to the core by the one man that was suppose to love her. had a knife pulled out on her by that same man. being told over and over again that she was a horrible kid. it breaks my heart.

what's amazing to me is that just by holding her in the water or rather her holding on to me for dear life - and repeating the word - safe - i could feel her little body letting go minute by minute by minute. it was such an amazing feeling. as the day went on - the bravery she displayed left me beeming.

at the end of the day - she had gone under the water 10 TIMES! she was letting me teach her the back float, she jumped off the side, she went down the big slide and she didn't even pee in the pool - she told me all three times she had to go.

it's just another reason why when you help someone else - you really end up helping yourself - when i think about what she's been through in her short little life - i know there is nothing that i can't do.

done

we found a donor. go ahead - do the happy dance. we have.

turns out - it is just finding your wedding dress. when you know - you know. when you know and your husband knows... you know. when you have them saved in favorites and then you see a random picture that's too cute for words and you click on it and it's your saved favorite... you know.

i go to the doctor in two weeks - we'll get things going from there.

summer time

summer time makes me so happy. living in texas - it was hot hot hot - we spent a lot of time in our pool - in survival mode - that was also awesome - but after months and months of brown nasty long days with no blue skies and it gets dark outside way too early - this summer is mucho appreciated.

hello sunshine - hello perfect weather - 75 and sunny - warms my heart up like an icy cold coke poured by my grandmother on a hot wisconsin summer afternoon while sitting on the east deck and sharing stories.

windows open every day - low electric bills - summertime walks - dinner on the deck and ice cold gluten free beer... bliss.

this weekend i'm headed to the house my grandmother spent a lot of her younger days in - better known these days as my uncle bob's and my aunt gloria's - i can't wait. i'll get some pictures of there amazing farm house complete with a stone house - and more on uncle bob & aunt gloria soon (great aunt and uncle at that) - amazing human beings that i'd love to put in a bottle and carry around for the rest of my life.

life is good - i'm enjoying this summer so much - and find myself spending less and less time inside everyday - i better eat it up!!