emotions
i'm a happy camper. by nature. 99% of the time - but when it rains on parade day - i seriously lose my mojo... yesterday as the four year old sobbing went on for 12 whole hours and my jaw and throat throbbed in pain today - i finally feel asleep cuddled up with my hubby and two dogs and this morning i did what i've been doing 99% of my life. i went running. i did something i could control. i ran - for ten miles. in my vibram five fingers of course. it was on the agenda today as part of the training plan for the half that's just one month away - but i ran today because i had to. it felt so good. there were even times during the run - a few times when i started to cry - but then - i stopped myself - i kept saying one of my favorite quotes, "run the mile you're in" and "NO this is your time." i ran at my best time yet. 14 minutes faster from the 10 miler i did just two weeks ago. the hubs and i went to target - and i bought an amazing book called "the bounce back" by karen salmansohn it has all kinds of tips - i've just glanced at it but here are a few of my favorties:
#4 - feeling means you're dealing means you're healing.
#61 - a dog is more than a man's best friend it's a man's best therapist. (my sweet girls have been right by my side through all of this)
#50 - what goes down often bounces back even higher.
and best of all - three weeks - gluten free - our marriage has never been better. never. ever.
and ps - if you don't - check out the darlings blog - mrs. darling is an amazing writer and by no means am i trying to copy her by adding this picture - but she had a bunch of these pictures up on her blog of spring in the south - these are the most amazing trees - the color makes me so happy and right now happy is what i need. i took this last year out my car window - i thought i'd have many more years to keep taking them - lesson learned - stop and smell the roses - even if you think you don't have time.
i'm still pissed off, mad, sad - for sure - and i will be for quite some time - but i'm allowed to feel the way - i'm allowed and gosh darn it - i will.
Just from what I have read on your blog - you seem like an amazingly strong woman!! It's okay to feel - just like that tip said... because when you're not FEELING what you're going through, I think it's almost like pretending it's not there.
ReplyDeleteHang in there - 14 minutes fast on your 10 mile? That impressive!!
Hope this week is a better one for you!
Beautiful picture. I love quote #50, it's something that should go up on the wall!
ReplyDeleteSending love your way. I ran a half marathon last year, very slowly but I finished it. I am not really a runner but I needed to find something my body was able to do, as IF had all its focus on the stuff my body could not. Thinking of you....
ReplyDeletebless your heart. i hate when what we feel is not validated. that was huge for my therapist...she would NEVER allow me to try and make excuses for what i felt or compare my life to someone else's...what you feel is your own, she would tell me. it's so important our hearts and emotions and experiences are validated. own it.
ReplyDeletelove those quotes...definately think i will look for that book the next time at target. and congrats on the awesome time on your 10 miles!! freaking awesome!
I am so sorry you are going through this madness. It's really a unique ability that we learn- dealing with all of this crap. One foot in front of the other and know that you are not alone on this journey!!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to email you, but couldn't find out how to get your email addy, so send me one - you can get my email addy from my blog.
Thinking of you!!~~