i've been busy

b man's mom (the little guy i watch) loves to calls or text during the day and find out how her little guy is doing. he's running around now and in 2.2 he can be in the dog food, the water dish, the toilet & have all the tupperware out in the kitchen. so when she calls now sometimes - i can't answer or i say how busy we are. during his naps i have been busy editing all the cute little photography jobs i've been doing but little does she know i've been busy capturing these amazing little moments for her holiday gift.



he's finally been happy, healthy & taking naps - which means - he's been the biggest delight in my side. would you just look at those teeth?



adam stayed home on wednesday with us. the moments he is with him - my heart just breaks - adam is such a natural. yesterday the house was filled with laughter as the two of them played. he is so hands on. i can not wait until he can become the father of our children.

happy thanksgiving all.... today - i'm so thankful for all of the wonderful comments and support that i have received from my blog readers!

update

so... here's an update on our life... trying to have a baby.

we tried with our donor for a few months - it didn't work. it was really sad. i think that after all we've been through we were both really hoping it would happen right away. since so many of my friends IRL read my blog - an update is much needed. so - since we aren't doing IVF - and Adam still doesn't feel well - we decided it would be best to go back to the doctor to get him on some medication. We went to a new urologist. after testing adam's testosterone - he told us it was in "normal range" and we were more than shocked so we decided that we should do another SA (semen analysis). that day b man's mom was running late (with more than good reason) so i ran out of the house without grabbing our "binder" (yes we have a freakin' binder with our IF) - we got to the doctors office & he explained that there should be no reason we can't have a child - yes - adam's sperm isn't the best - but that we should try. i lost my shit. i was crying. i couldn't believe it. i asked for a copy of the SA. We brought it home - it's the worst SA that Adam has had to date. The doctor doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. I'm not kidding. I think it's difficult for anyone that hasn't gone through IF to understand the devastation of this. So... we decided that we'd go to my doctor to see if there is anything that we can do - Adam had a bunch of autoimmune testing done - and now he has to go see a specialist. meanwhile - we decided that we're going to do IUI with our donor at a clinic in town. Fast forward to friday - i went to Chicago to see some really amazing friends - and we're having cocktails & i ask if they want to see the childhood picture of our donor - they both said yes. i login through my phone - guess what? he retired.

not kidding.

we have to start all over. this is the song that does not end. it just goes on and on my friends.

we're exhausted. right now - we're taking a deep breath.

so there you have it - for all of you that know me IRL - that wanted to know.

Vacation

i had a great time on vacation. i always have an "adjustment period" with my mom - where i get back into the daughter roll and she's in the mom roll. with all that she has done for me over the years i love that i can now do things to help her. since my dad doesn't travel and i know she loves to & so do i - it really makes perfect sense. i love that i'll have this memory of our trip together for a lifetime. i have to say that this is one of those times that not having children makes it easier to be able to take these trips. i have a really amazing talented mom & i'm so happy she's in my life. she has become so understanding and caring about our IF struggles and i'm lucky to have her.

Praise God

i'm leaving. on a jet plane. for a week in mexico. with my mom & some friends. i can't freakin' wait! i have been mia from here because i've been so busy trying to get everything wrapped up. i can't wait to come up for air with a frozen cocktail in my hand! to take a nap in the middle of the day. to go for a run on the beach. ahhhh

my photography business has been busy. good busy. it makes me beyond happy. it's what i love to do. with more business comes the need, yes need, to build a website, more equipment & to start seriously thinking about it actually becoming a "business".

i have to say that i've had a hard time finding balance. there is always something to do - and to just sit and do nothing - i can't wait for that!

i'll report when we get back from our trip. i love my mom so much - i however - always take a day or two to "adjust" - to go back to daughter role - to let go of control - and to just be in the moment. i hope i spend the whole trip - loving being in the moment.

xo - j

purging

i've been purging. not the bad kind. the good kind. i guess spring cleaning happened a little late for me this year.

1. i cleaned out my closet - five garbage bags of clothes. i haven't even looked at my shoes yet. cleaning out your closet is like oxygen for your lungs. it feels so good. my closet usually organized, color coded & seperated by workout clothes (yes - a whole rack of these, they are my everyday clothes too), going out clothes (dinners, weddings & wanting to take it up a notch for the mr.) and then everyday clothes. They were all on wooden hangers but found myself buying more plastic hangers - i was getting new clothes and getting rid of nothing. ahhh....

2. i cleaned out my pantry & made a list of dinner ideas that i taped to the door with the food we have in the pantry. it's all organized just the way i like it.

3. I took all the outdoor furniture and washed it in preperation for winter. it makes me a little sad that we were so busy this summer that we didn't even have one day where we sat on our deck and chit chatted over a couple bottles of beer. we did however get to see a lot of friends and family that we hadn't seen in a long time - and that always feels good.

4. i cleaned out the garage - and even scrubbed the floors w/ clorox outdoor cleaner. i took a putty knife and scraped up the oil. it really was the last thing that needed to be done in the house for me to feel like we were finally moved in. it felt so good when i was done.

the moral of the story - is that less is more. more seems like fun for a little while - but then it becomes overwhelming and you start to forget what's really important. love, safety, family, good healthy food, my camera & a treadmill are about all this girl needs to be really happy - well ok - the internet too - i could live with out it - i just don't ever ever want to.

routine

i eat the same thing. all the time. 31 days in a month - i eat the same exact thing for breakfast for 30 of those days. one piece of toast, one egg and 1/2 slice of cheese. i know what i like. i know what i don't like. drives me nuts when i try something new (that's the real issue) and i don't like it. i can't help but think - what a waste of money, i'm still hungry & what a waste of time. i've been in a bit of a rut - eating gluten free can have very minimal challenges when you are eating from home - however eating out - can be a big pain in the butt - therefore - we rarely go out to eat - it's just easier - but my rut comes into play because i'm sick of making the same food all the time... so i tried something new! AND - it was terrible! I ended up having tator tots and a cookie for dinner - guess i can't complain too much. anyone have any dinner ideas they love?

running

half marathon #5. done. personal record. check. no blood. check. back to my normal running schedule. check. ready for #6. check. 30 pound weight loss. check. bragging. check. gluten free has far exceeded any expectations i had. my body has not been in this good of shape since i was 17. i haven't felt this good in a long time.

i ran the half with my friend carri & the hubby. well - adam ran ahead of us - and carri ran with me until mile 9. we ran chicago together. i don't run well with others. ask adam - i usually end up walking - feeling defeated - but carri & i run like pb & j. i felt good the whole run. i got emotional at the end. teared up when i crossed the finish line - and even gave a little jersey shore fist pump. i'm not exactly sure where that emotion came from - but for the first time - i was really proud. i worked my ass off. bring it on.