safe

on friday i took our pal to the pool. she's six. she's never been in a pool in her entire life. ever.

i've found that the word that i try to focus on with her when i am with her is safe. SAFE: Free from harm, injury, or risk; untouched or unthreatened by danger or injury; unharmed; unhurt; secure; whole; as, safe from disease; safe from storms; safe from foes.

this little girl has spent 98% of her life not being safe. being beaten to the core by the one man that was suppose to love her. had a knife pulled out on her by that same man. being told over and over again that she was a horrible kid. it breaks my heart.

what's amazing to me is that just by holding her in the water or rather her holding on to me for dear life - and repeating the word - safe - i could feel her little body letting go minute by minute by minute. it was such an amazing feeling. as the day went on - the bravery she displayed left me beeming.

at the end of the day - she had gone under the water 10 TIMES! she was letting me teach her the back float, she jumped off the side, she went down the big slide and she didn't even pee in the pool - she told me all three times she had to go.

it's just another reason why when you help someone else - you really end up helping yourself - when i think about what she's been through in her short little life - i know there is nothing that i can't do.

done

we found a donor. go ahead - do the happy dance. we have.

turns out - it is just finding your wedding dress. when you know - you know. when you know and your husband knows... you know. when you have them saved in favorites and then you see a random picture that's too cute for words and you click on it and it's your saved favorite... you know.

i go to the doctor in two weeks - we'll get things going from there.

summer time

summer time makes me so happy. living in texas - it was hot hot hot - we spent a lot of time in our pool - in survival mode - that was also awesome - but after months and months of brown nasty long days with no blue skies and it gets dark outside way too early - this summer is mucho appreciated.

hello sunshine - hello perfect weather - 75 and sunny - warms my heart up like an icy cold coke poured by my grandmother on a hot wisconsin summer afternoon while sitting on the east deck and sharing stories.

windows open every day - low electric bills - summertime walks - dinner on the deck and ice cold gluten free beer... bliss.

this weekend i'm headed to the house my grandmother spent a lot of her younger days in - better known these days as my uncle bob's and my aunt gloria's - i can't wait. i'll get some pictures of there amazing farm house complete with a stone house - and more on uncle bob & aunt gloria soon (great aunt and uncle at that) - amazing human beings that i'd love to put in a bottle and carry around for the rest of my life.

life is good - i'm enjoying this summer so much - and find myself spending less and less time inside everyday - i better eat it up!!

normal right?

my evenings and b man's nap times have been filled writing down jots as such (all information has been changed to protect privacy people!) all writing in () is what i'm really thinking (with my heavy wisconsin accent of course).

9325 - Allergic to bee stings (inside voice - ohh - that's not good - oh wait - grandma is allergic - all of us are ok) / 6'0" 185lbs/ light brown - blue eyes/ one sister/ Jan. 1919

6714 - no allergies / 6'1" 210 lbs (oh... lean cuisine....maybe? no boarderline) / med. brown - green eyes/ one sister/ march 1928

4376 - federal agent (smart man - daring - followed the rules but really didn't want to) / 6'0" 182 lbs / light brown - blue eyes / one brother (MBA) - march 1928

67534 - small allergy to dust mites (pussy) / 6'2" 185lbs / medium blonde - green eyes / mba (earning some points back) - dad's a professor / 2 sisters

and the list goes on

and on

and on

please someone - tell me - this is normal way to spend your evenings -

i've done some crazy stuff in my life - but this might just take the #1 position - and so goes it - crazier things will be sure to come my way. I just have a feeling when we know, we'll know.

to be honest - it's a bit comical - when i went searching for the man to spend my life with - i never thought about asking him what his maternal grandmother's sisters's other dad's dad died from - but now i sit and analysis it over and over again - maybe we'll pick out of a hat...

happy thursday - (no sappy comments allowed) this is the fun part!

things i know for sure

1. never ever rush an artist. did i say never ever - i mean it.

2. making your bed everyday gives you a sense of accomplishmet - even if you get nothing else done - heck - even if you crawl right back in it. i never ever was a bed maker until we were getting ready to sell our house in tx - 30 days to a new habit i guess.

3. break a sweat - every single day - even if it's just for 30 minutes. it just might be the one thing in life that you'll never regret doing.

4. being gluten free is the best thing i have ever done for myself. i'm a better care taker, daughter, sister, mom to naughty dogs (one who ran away and had me doing the sob tears around the neighborhood - she ran back home while i was out in the neighborhood freaking out) a way better wife - but most important the best me that i have been in a long long time.

5. telling kid jokes with my husband makes us both laugh on the floor like we're five - it's the best. "who do you call when your toe falls off" - "the toe truck" - ha ha ha!! or "how do you scare a bee?" "BOO BEES"

6. tell your girlfriends you love them - don't be embarrased by it - tell them - we need each other - like a car needs tires (that one's for you leesh)

7. open the doors for elders. carry their bags in the airport. put their groceries in their car. listen to them. seek advise from them. wait for them. what our grandparents generation has seen - it is unbelievable and they need us - it's lonely when you lose everything around you that you love.

8. laugh. as much as possible. even if you would like to kick and scream - laugh - tomorrow's a new day.

9. don't be afraid to admit your faults. (i'm a perfectionist - i hate it and love it at the same time - but mostly i hate it.) and if you are a perfectionist - keep trying new things - even if it scares the crap out of you.

10. love the person for who they are - even when they don't pick up their after school/work clothes that lay next to their side of the bed and after you've told them every single day for the last 8 years to pick them up - i mean - that's never happened to me - the truth is - they're not going to change and i'd rather have the shirt and shorts laying around than not to have him around at all.

happy wednesday

open book

i've been a huge fan of being very open about our infertility struggles since day one. i was open about them when i was the one going to the doctor - the one getting the testing done - and even before adam went in for his first sa. if anyone knows me - they know that i believe that it takes a village - and not just for children - but for everyone - we're better people when we talk about the bad to let more good in. for all the times that people said the wrong thing - there are so many more times when people say the right thing. it's human nature for us to hear the bad way more than it is for us to hear the good. there's one thing that gets me every. single. time. when i hear from people that other people are talking about us and judging us on how they can't believe that we "talk about it" - seriously - we could climb in a hole - hide out and never show up for anything - or when you ask us how we're doing - we'll tell you - you ask me why we don't have kids - we'll tell you - you ask us what's wrong - we'll tell you - so dick heads - if you have a problem with us "talking about it" - go fuck yourself - and be so thankful that you're not in our shoes.

thumbs up

the couple on the right (your right) their our really good friends. the couple on the left - that's me and my mr. - in may we had a wedding, no we had four weddings we were invited to - and we're happy to report - no funeral. the boy on the right - went to middle and high school with Adam - then onto college - and they lived together in this super nasty run down boys college house and i showered in their bathroom - it was the sickest bathroom you've ever seen. the girl - we went to high school together - no joke - she's actually two years younger than us - and i graduated with her sister - but when you graduate with a class of 63 kids - you pretty much know the whole school district -

so one late summer afternoon mike (the boy) had moved to a new house with some other buddies and we were all having a typical party at their house - i looked outside and saw some familiar faces - it was cathy - i screamed - invited them in - and yep - they got married - mike stood up in our wedding, adam stood up in their wedding - and their are this super awesome amazing couple that we don't get to see as often as we'd like - but when we do - it's like peanut butter and jelly. cathy is a nurse - mike an uber smart engineer - and together they are goofy, kind, attentive and i found that after spending time at the wedding with cathy - that we have the same exact views on raising the next generation, how to eat locally and why it's important and why we both agree we've got to do something to get kids off the couch.

we also have so much to talk about - because we are both in the same exact boat when it comes to having a baby - i mean - same exact boat.... and at the end of our conversation at this wedding - she said to me - exact words - "jenny - at the end of the day, i'm still the lucky one" - right then and there - i knew we understood each other's souls - because all of you know - i love to find the reason's why i'm still the lucky one.

thumbs up in the photobooth - wasn't for happiness, longevity or to have the perfect marriage - it was simply a good luck getting knocked up suckers :))